I’ve started going back to the gym

I’ve started started going back to the gym. I get a “wellness” hour before my lunch hour 3 days a week so I’ve been going during that time because I hate going after work. It not only gets me to the gym, but it gets me out of the office an extra 3 hours a week.

I’m not only fatting out of my clothes but my too-fast weight-gain has started affecting both my dreams and Coleman’s dreams as well, but in different ways. Two nights ago, Cole had a dream  that he and I were at a pool party but I couldn’t eat the potatoes because I had diabetes and he was terrified that I was going to have a heart attack at any moment. My dream that same night was that he and I were at Disneyland and going to ride Big Thunder Mountain. He got on first and was so excited that he pulled down the safety bar before I had a chance to climb in. So I didn’t get on but instead, walked the track behind the roller coaster. I  followed a staircase under the roller coaster and found a hidden door. I pushed the door open and found a large underground room with a bunch of old ride parts and a platter of doughnuts. I WAS SO EXCITED!

Yesterday, I was also finding myself getting angry about my rapid weight gain. I was not expecting to feel angry, so I took some time to think about why I’m feeling this. Am I angry at myself? No, actually. I realized that my weight gain is because I’ve stopped walking to work. I would walk 1.3 miles each way to work. I’d stopped getting that daily exercise and now I’m tubby. But why am I not angry at myself? Because I didn’t want to stop walking to work, I did it because there have been multiple security problems in the neighborhoods on my way to work and a couple on campus itself and as a single female, I no longer felt safe. I have had to change my routine and my health has suffered because I can no longer feel safe. And that makes me angry. I’m going to the gym to take care of the weight, but I don’t know what to do to feel safe again. And I don’t know if there’s anything I can do, to tell the truth.

Published in: on 02/07/2014 at 4:10 AM  Comments (2)  

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. Suz I am so sorry you do not feel safe! What an ugly fear!!! Have you considered any form of martial arts? Do you carry mace or pepper spray? Have you talked to your Dad about these fears ’cause he may have better suggestions…
    Is it possible part of your extra weight is caused by water retention? A problem for both Gram and me.
    Of course we can address the additional weight with some humor – “more to love” “more bounce to the ounce” – No lectures from Nina – I just made up my mind and recently lost 10+ pounds – I was tired of being a little porky! Ate less! Love you very much!

    • I’m considering martial arts, but even self-defense doesn’t mean the fear goes away. I’m just so mad that as a single female, we can’t just be safe.

      And the weight is definitely due to lack of exercise. I sit at a desk all day.

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