Self-care Resource Round-up

I am a huge proponent of self-care. Self-care is the hill I shall die on. Self-care needs to come first because you cannot pour from an empty cup. There is a reason that they tell you to put on your oxygen mask first before helping others.

That being said, I’ve been amazingly shitty at self-care the past two weeks. I’ve felt overwhelmed and lost and generally a mess. An angry mess. Definitely a mess. But I’ve thought of some things and learned some things and I’m going to share them here in this general self-care round-up post. As I learn more things, I’ll update this post so bookmark it for yourself and share it with others who you think will benefit.

  1. First of all, you do not have to show up to your own abuse. If this means tapping out of holiday celebrations with family that make you feel threatened or otherwise upset, then tap out of it. Give yourself permission to feel safe. You deserve safety. You deserve joy.
  2. Unfollow and unfriend people on social media. This may be the only way to preserve precious relationships such as family. You don’t need to see their triggering bullshit. You can still love them and not follow them on social media. You don’t have to be a hero. You don’t have to be a martyr. It’s a nice thought to not insulate yourself and have open conversation but if you are risking your mental health by doing that, it may not be worth the risk.
  3. Drink some water. Did you drink water? Drink more water. Also, take your meds.
  4. Consider having a time (9pm?) that you end your social media and news input for the day. A time for screens to be off unless it’s your ereader.
  5. Listen to some music. Listen to the album that was your favorite 20 years ago. Listen to music from a time when you were really happy. Sing. Dance.
  6. Protect your joy. Hold close those few things that are making your happy. You’re going to need to call on them.
  7. Reread your favorite books. Mine is Harry Potter. Get lost in a world that is not your own. Be reminded that good can conquer evil.
  8. Even self-care can be overwhelming. There are too many options of what to do and so you end up doing nothing. You do not have to do the entirety of self-care all at once. But do something. If all you are able to manage is to drink water and take your meds on a consistent basis, then do that. Maybe tomorrow you’ll add something else to the regimen.
  9. Talk/text/email/communicate with at least one person per day. I cannot stress the importance of this enough.

Here are some self-care resources. There are plenty of checklists online of course, but here are some some apps and whatnot that can be useful in your self-care process.

  1. Habitica is an app that intends to gamify your to do lists and build good habits. Put your self-care items on it: drinking water, taking meds, meditating, taking walks, reading, etc. https://habitica.com
  2. Calm is an app that was recommended to us by a therapist friend. It walks you through ~10 minute meditation sessions. Super helpful for those of us who have a hard time meditating. https://www.calm.com/
  3. Headspace is another meditation app option: https://www.headspace.com/headspace-meditation-app
  4. Here’s an interactive/guided self-care web app that is pretty great http://philome.la/jace_harr/you-feel-like-shit-an-interactive-self-care-guide/play
  5. If you have to go to work and you have the option of listening to something, sometimes white noise can keep you focused. This ambient noise site has some great geeky themes (Dr. Who, Star Wars, Harry Potter) as well as some other fun options. Or you can mix your own. My favorite is the Slytherin Common Room http://harry-potter-sounds.ambient-mixer.com/slytherin-common-room
  6. I have dual monitors at my job. I’ve crammed all my work open windows onto one screen and then on my other screen I am watching a live-cam of sharks and stingrays from the California Academy of Sciences. You can also watch live-cams of their reefs and their penguins. Seeing a bat ray glide across my screen every minute or so gives me some sort of peace. http://www.calacademy.org/explore-science/live-webcams-0
  7. Hundreds of checklists online: https://www.google.com/#q=self-care+checklist
  8. On this site you’ll find a new self care tip every week. If you like them, you can sign up to receive a new one by e-mail each Wednesday morning. http://www.overlandparkcounseling.com/self-care-tips

Like I mentioned earlier, bookmark this page and share it with people that you think can find some use in it. I’ll be updating it with useful items as I come across them.

Published in: on 11/22/2016 at 6:13 PM  Comments (1)  
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Share this: Some Hard Truths and Ally Resources

It is not the job of the oppressed to educate the oppressors. Your white guilt, cisgender guilt, heterosexual guilt, male fragility, etc. is not the responsibility of your friends of color, your LGBTQ friends, your woman-identified friends. Your marginalized friends have a lot of their own bullshit to deal with right now and always.

I’ve been hearing a number of non-black people in my life who identify as allies say that they don’t know what to say or what to do to show their support. So they say and do nothing.

Part of me gets this. But most of me says that is the shittiest excuse I’ve heard in quite a while.

Growing up, I was not allowed to say “I don’t know” unless I tried to find the answer on my own first. There was no internet. My grandmother made me look in dictionaries, phone books, encyclopedias, and the library before I was allowed to say I didn’t know something.

We are adults and we have the internet, people. If anyone is ignorant about pretty much anything, it’s because they are keeping themselves ignorant (out of laziness, out of fear, out of whatever). You can search online for what to do as allies. Google it. Bing it. Duck Duck Go it. I don’t care.

But here, let me give you even more reason to not give your marginalized people shitty excuses any more. I have put on my librarian glasses and below are a bunch of resources so you don’t even have to search. Read these resources, there are also resources for LGBTQ allies and feminist allies but honestly, if you’re not all 3 you need to learn about intersectionality before you talk to me anymore. I’m tired. Share the link to this blog post on whatever social media and forums you are on.

On a personal level, I appreciate the check-ins and I appreciate the listening, but your silence does nothing. Especially when I see you post freely about women’s rights, rape culture, LGBTQ rights but when another person that looks like me gets murdered and I hear crickets? That feels shitty.

RESOURCE LIST. READ THE LINKS. EDUCATE YOURSELF. STOP BEING LAZY.

  1. https://kneesockchronicles.com/2016/07/09/while-being-an-ally-dont-forget-to-be-a-friend/
  2. http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/11/things-allies-need-to-know/
  3. http://www.daa.org.uk/uploads/pdf/How%20to%20be%20an%20Ally.pdf
  4. https://www.glaad.org/resources/ally/2
  5. http://www.scn.org/friends/ally.html
  6. http://www.alternet.org/news-amp-politics/11-things-white-people-can-do-be-real-anti-racist-allies
  7. http://www.adl.org/assets/pdf/education-outreach/Be-an-Ally-Six-Ways-online-version.pdf
  8. http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2014/08/ferguson_how_white_people_can_be_allies/
  9. https://www.buzzfeed.com/anotherround/how-to-be-a-better-ally-an-open-letter-to-white-folks?utm_term=.yfYqdmrWD#.byZqR5zWP
  10. http://www.salon.com/2016/07/08/how_to_be_a_white_ally_fighting_racism_is_your_responsibility_start_now/
  11. http://www.becominganally.ca/Becoming_an_Ally/Home.html
  12. http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2016/05/sola-fide/481371/
  13. http://mashable.com/2016/01/10/ally-to-people-of-color/#bIzEP70CtPq3
  14. http://theangryblackwoman.com/2009/10/01/the-dos-and-donts-of-being-a-good-ally/
  15. And finally, a Twitter thread on how to be an ally:

bhh1bhh2

Published in: on 09/23/2016 at 9:05 PM  Comments (2)  
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