Cancun 2016

Oh wow, it’s been almost 3 weeks and I’m just now sitting down to tell you about Cancun.

We went for 6 days for a wedding at the Moon Palace Resort. If you have never been to an all-inclusive resort and you are able to I recommend that you do so at least once in your life. It was AMAZING. The staff were super kind and patient and it was absolutely gorgeous down there. Someone close to me goes down to the Yucatan every year for vacation and now I understand why. Usually when we get home from a vacation we’re pooped and ready to be home. We sincerely were not ready to come back to CA after this trip.

The resort had 14 main restaurants as well as smaller taco bars and outdoor pizza ovens and I have no idea how many bars. It was so great to be able to walk around with nothing but our room key. No wallets, no phones. So nice.

Getting there was quite the adventure, as the TSA at LAX decided to pull me aside, give me a full pat down, and unpack all of my carry ons. But, I’m brown, so this sort of bullshit is a part of life in America.

As soon as we got off the shuttle at the resort, staff greeted us with cold, wet face towels because it was hot and muggy and we’d been traveling. When we walked inside and were in line to check in, another staff member came up to us and took our drink order. OUR DRINK ORDER, YOU GUYS! WE GOT MARGARITAS WHILE WE STOOD AROUND AND CHECKED IN. All I could think is, “Is this real life right now?”

We shared a room with Cole’s younger siblings (ages 20 and 16) which was fine, we didn’t intend to be hanging around in the room much anyway. Our first full day we spent quite a while setting up and arranging for our excursions. I also went to the spa and had a full body massage which was lovely.

The following day we got up at 5am to get ready to go swim out in the ocean with whale sharks. At about 5:45a we got a phone call that our excursion was cancelled due to inclement weather. We were both super bummed. The whale shark encounter only happens 3 months out of the year. We agreed we would try again someday because it was something we both really wanted to do. So, the kids were off swimming with dolphins, manatees, and sea lions so we had the day to ourselves around the resort. We filled the hours with tacos and alcohol. There was one bar that I was enchanted by. It was out by one of the pools and it was a large square covered by a thatched roof. The seats around the edges were swings instead of stools. So, we went and grabbed a couple of swings and drank and drank. No phones or electronics of any time. Just some booze and chatting and then it got exciting because a monstrous storm came upon us. We were under the roof so we were good at first. People were jumping out of the pools and grabbing all their things and huddling near the bar. But then the winds came and it started blowing sideways at our backs. At one point, a man across the bar pointed at me and said, “Look at her! Someone take a picture!” because the wind was whipping my hair into a frenzy and I probably looked liked Dark Phoenix. Okay, likely not that cool but you get the picture. We were both in bathing suits so we didn’t care that our backs were getting soaked. The bartenders started bringing us drinks without our asking. They knew there was no way we were walking back to our room during this storm. This was probably the simplest day of our vacation but it was definitely my favorite.

Sunday was the day of the wedding! It was crazy storming outside again so instead of on the beach, the wedding was held in a gazebo surrounded by glass. It was short and sweet. Women were asked to wear blue so I used that as an excuse to get more clothes from Pinup Girl Clothing. Sidenote: I’m madly in love with their high-waisted shorts and peasant tops. Sunday night after the Brazilian BBQ extravaganza I wrote about here, we changed our clothes and went walking around the resort and stumbled upon karaoke. If for some reason this blog post is the first blog post of mine you’ve ever read you may not know that I fucking LIVE for karaoke. Cole’s sister got up and sang “My Hump” and did a damn fine job. Then I got up and did Carrie Underwood’s “Before He Cheats” and apparently made myself a fan club because for the next two days, I was stopped no less than 3 times by people saying, “Are you Patricia? I heard you do karaoke! You were amazing!” One woman even yelled at me from her balcony/patio as she chain smoked. She let me know that she’s from Tennessee and loves Carrie Underwood and the song I sang was her favorite. It was hilarious and great.

The day after the wedding we went on our Xtreme eXcursion! We went to Tulum, the only Mayan ruins that are on the ocean. It was a very warm, very sunny day and the ruins were awesome and there were fat fat fat iguanas everywhere. We also saw a little vine snake. Unfortunately didn’t get a picture of it. I was just too happy to see it and he was moving along pretty quickly.

After the tour of Tulum we went and had lunch, then hopped on ATVs. Cole and I decided to share one. I tried to take video from the back but then I realized I should maybe hold on for my life. That was pretty fun but it was rough on the body. Then we got to do the part which we were both really excited about: snorkeling in a cenote. You can click on the link if you want to learn more, but the short of it is that a cenote is an underground cave filled with fresh, cool, clear water. There are over 8,000 cenotes in Mexico and they are connected via underground rivers (or so we were told). We walked down a sketchy staircase into the cenote and I had to keep from screaming with excitement because there were bats! Flying around! Like, a few feet from me!!! I love bats so much. One of the people in our group was uncomfortable and the guide said, “Oh don’t worry, those are fruit bats.” I did the right thing and didn’t call him out on his LIE. THOSE ARE NOT FRUIT BATS, SIR. THOSE BATS EAT BUGS. The stalactites were pretty low (one guy smacked his head pretty good) and the water was cool but not unpleasant. We were only down there for about 15 minutes but I could have stayed down there at least an hour. The ancient Mayans believed that the cenotes were the entrances to the underworld and I saw why. They were beautiful, magical, and amazing.

While not all the food at the resort were winners (room service food was disgusting. The mozzarella sticks were made out of cheddar. And the Caribbean restaurant was terrible), I did have some of the best tacos of my life. I also had Mayan food for the first time. There are two nice restaurants there with dress codes that, while they are included, you still need to make reservations. One was the Mayan restaurant. I have two words for you: COCHINTA PIBIL. If you ever see it on a menu, eat it. You’re welcome in advance. There was a woman sitting 10 feet away from us making the tortillas. The server literally picked up a basket of hot tortillas, walked a few steps to our table, and handed it to us. I ate one whole basket myself and I’m not even sad about it.

FYI the three really good photos of the cenote below were not taken by us. I just wanted to include them because they are so much better than what we got.

Published in: on 07/11/2016 at 4:18 AM  Leave a Comment  
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No shame in our eating game

While in Cancun we stayed at the Moon Palace Resort. The wedding we were there for had the reception in their Brazilian restaurant. If you’ve never been to a Brazilian BBQ restaurant, here’s the basics of how it works:

There is a salad bar with salads, fruits, and side dishes. They give you a bit of time to go fill your plates. I’m here to tell you that all that is bullshit and you should avoid it. They’re just trying to fill you up on lettuce so that you have less room for the amazing meat-extravaganza which is to follow. I never get anything from the salad bar. I just sit at my place at the table and wait.

What am I waiting for? I’m waiting for the server to come over with a huge skewer of meat. There is a little marker at each place setting, much like a drink coaster but sometimes it’s a light. One side is red, the other is green. If you leave the green side showing, it means “yes please, I would like meat.” When you don’t want the meat fairy to stop near you, you turn your market to red. They often serve at least 6 different meats. Steaks and pork and sausages and chicken and lamb and sometimes some exotic things.

Cole and I just left our markers on green the whole evening.

After the servers had come around with one of each type of meat that was being served that night, they asked if anyone would like another round of something. Cole and I said, “Yes! Flank steak and chicken!” So, they came back around and we were stuffing ourselves with what was now maybe our 8th and 9th servings of meat.

I happen to glance down the end of the table and I notice that out of maybe 40 people total, Cole and I were the only people still eating. We were also the only people who still even had plates. Everyone else’s plates were cleared. I elbowed Cole, “psst. We’re the only people still shoving meat in our faces. And I have the feeling that they aren’t going to cut the wedding cake until we are done.”

We turned our markers to red and quickly ate what was on our plates.

We regret nothing.

Published in: on 07/05/2016 at 11:46 PM  Comments (3)  
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Maui 2015: The Flight

We recently went to Maui for about a week and it was absolutely wonderful. We flew Hawaiian Airlines and I swear if they flew everywhere I would never take another airline ever again. They still serve a complementary meal. A MEAL! I mean, it’s an airline meal but still, it was included in our reasonably priced ticket. I was amazed. If we wanted to watch any movies we’d have to pay but I prefer to read and listen to podcasts during flights anyway. They have a cart of all kinds of snacks that you could pay for but the POG (passion-orange-guava juice, juice of the gods) was complementary and our meal came with a little package of chocolate-covered macadamia nuts. The flight attendant just handed us our meals and saw me trying to sneak over and steal Cole’s macadamias. She smacked me on the arm and said, “Sistah, you be nice and I bring you more lattah.” About 15 minutes later, this happened:



Cole felt like she was just encouraging bad behaviour but I will agree to disagree. We actually had the same flight attendant on our flight home and without even having to harass Cole, I got extra cookies.

I’m breaking up the Maui post into multiple individual posts. More soon!

Published in: on 11/09/2015 at 3:51 AM  Comments (2)  
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